


heaven

by sydthesciencekidd



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, but it ends nice and fluffy, but then he accepts himself, kinda angst, nico is scared of being gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 21:39:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14839638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sydthesciencekidd/pseuds/sydthesciencekidd
Summary: based on the song 'heaven' by trove sivan.nico di angelo is terrified of how will solace makes him feel, because its wrong.so, obviously, he pushes him away.but then, he shortly realizes that maybe it is wrong, but maybe he doesn't care.





	heaven

without losing a piece of me, how do i get to heaven?

the thought had run through nico's mind on more than one occasion when he was 15.

the first time he saw will solace, who was around two years older than nico at the time.  
the first time he locked eyes with soft blue orbs that could challenge the sky.  
the first time he had gotten a good look at the other teenager, with blonde, messy hair and a toothy grin that made nico's heart skip a beat.

the first time the two had actually talked to each other, with nico siting in the infirmary acting grumpy because "i'm fine you dork" when in reality his heart was warm because will solace cared about him and his health.  
the first time they had talked outside of the infirmary, when will insisted on eating at the hades table for lunch to 'check up on his favorite patient' and the many other times afterwards where they exchanged conversation.  
the first time nico decided to voluntarily go to the infirmary to spend time with will, and open up to him.

the first time the two boys had sat next to each other at the campfire, with hands grazing each other every once in a while until will finally held nico's in his own.  
the first time nico realized what this feeling in his chest was and that it was derived from none other than will solace.  
the first time will kissed him.

nico had let himself enjoy it for two seconds. he let himself feel dizzy and high with will's lips on his for two seconds. then the whole gravity of the situation fell on him, and he broke the kiss, pushing will away. the other boy had looked confused and broken. nico couldn't stop the tears from falling anymore, and barely managed to whisper, "i'm sorry, will. this is wrong." 

nico managed to avoid will for a couple days. during those couple days, he thought long and hard about his feelings for will.  
'its wrong. you know that, nico! boys are not meant to kiss other boys. if you think you're an outcast now, just wait until people hear about this. despicable!' his brain would shout.  
'is it really? is something that makes you happy really wrong?' his heart would whisper.  
he felt that his brain held stronger evidence.

so, that being said, nico tried to convince himself that he was perfectly content not talking to will. his heart definitely did not skip a beat when he caught will staring at him and his hands (and heart) did not feel cold at the campfire when will was not there to hold them.

he thought he was doing just fine until will bounded up to him while he was walking to breakfast. 

"nico!" will shouted, causing nico to glare at him and start walking faster.

will picked up his pace and placed a hand on nico, retracting immediately when nico jerked back. 

"look," will started, running a hand through his (beautiful) messy hair, "i'm sorry if i overstepped my boundaries in any way. that was definitely not my intention, but you don't have to ignore me."

they had stopped walking at that point. nico just looked from will to the ground, and muttered, "i like girls."

will just rolled his eyes. "well you don't have to lie to me-"

"fuck off, will! i'm not lying!" nico shouted, forgetting about breakfast and storming back to his cabin, not coming out until several hours had passed. 

he hated will. he hated everything about the son of apollo, from his sunny personality to how tall he was. how he thinks he understands everything about everyone. how he thinks he knows whats best for everyone, just because he's a fucking healer. it drove nico up the wall, just thinking about will's annoyingly bright personality. where did he get the right to come barge into nico's life and tell him how he feels?  
he hated that will was so damn nice to everyone. how he cares about literally everything, and can always find some positive outcome when there is clearly none. he hated that will took a chance on him. he hated that will tried so hard to be his friend. he hated that will was successful. 

he hated the fact that he didn't hate will. 

while nico and will were acquaintances, will had told nico about a girl in his cabin who had been quite infatuated with the son of hades, and at the time he had laughed and rolled his eyes, feeling like he didn't need to be with any girl when he was with will. 

but now, will wasn't here. and he needed to prove to himself (and will) that he did indeed like girls. 

so, while everyone was getting ready to go to bed in their cabins, nico marched up to the apollo cabin and knocked on the door. he waited a couple seconds until out came a shirtless will with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. "nico!" he said surprised, although it sounded more like "neeho!" 

he found himself blushing and unable to tear his eyes away from will's chest, but then willed himself to stop because normal boys don't get flustered when they see other boys shirtless. 

"hi, will. could you get grace for me?"

will seemed confused at first, until it seemed to hit him why nico wanted to see grace and his eyes widened.

"i- um.. yeah. yes. of course. i'll go grab her." will tried to say, although it again came out muffled. 

nico waited around fifteen seconds until grace appeared in the doorway, with will trailing several steps behind her. 

"hi, nico. you wanted me?" she said in a small, insecure voice. 

"yes, i did. can we go for a quick walk? to get privacy?" nico responded, pointedly ignoring will's pout. 

she agreed, and the two walked around the borders of the cabins. he told her that he had had feelings for her for quite a while, and found himself smiling at her excitement and eagerness to say she too had liked him as well. the rest of the walk was serene and nice, and the two had bonded and became quick friends. or, technically, boyfriend and girlfriend. 

when they had finally arrived back at the apollo cabin, nico had kissed her cheek and walked away, trying to convince himself that he was happier than he had been in a long time, and that the short, blonde, blue-eyed daughter of apollo adorned with freckles was who he wanted to be with.

a couple weeks passed. a couple of weeks filled with talking to grace about mundane topics such as her favorite movie and what ambrosia tasted like to her, pretending to be overly interested. a couple of weeks filled with holding grace's hand wherever they went, pretending he felt the same warmth he did with will. a couple of weeks kissing grace, pretending he felt the electricity and sparks he had felt in the two seconds of kissing will. 

its not that he wasn't happy. grace was a wonderful girl and under the right circumstance a friend he would love to keep in the long run. but nico was tired. tired of having to fake his romantic feelings toward her (tired of picturing will kissing him, and will holding his hand). 

trying to keep faith and picture his face staring up at me.

a thought that ran through nico's head whenever he was with grace. and he hated it.

he felt like his brain and heart were at war again. which wasn't supposed to happen. which is specifically why he got a damn girlfriend in the first place. 

no, he got a girlfriend because he likes girls. because he's normal and thats what normal boys do. he wasn't being fake to himself. he was just removing a part of him that was toxic. and the best way to do that was to remove toxic people from his life. 

so, he was really upset when at 12:30 am will solace of all people walks into his room, clearly uninvited. 

he sits up, rolls his eyes, and is about to begin his rant of how people can't just walk into cabins without knocking when will blurts out, "you need to break up with her."

for a moment they're both silent, and nico finally lets himself lock eyes with the son of apollo. will has both hands on either side of nico on the mattress, leaning down and causing nico's heartbeat to become erratic. nico suddenly felt extremely vulnerable, with his hair resembling the 'bed-head look' and wearing his skull pajamas. 

"get the fuck out, solace." nico tries to sound demanding, but his voice cracks, and he mentally kicks himself for showing how weak he felt to will. 

will's face holds a sad and determined look. "nico, i know you don't like her."

"you don't know anything about me." nico wanted to shout, although it came out as a whisper.

"i know you're scared. i know you're so damn afraid of who you are, and you're suffering because you want to be yourself but for some reason you just can't-"

nico shook his head, eyes filled with tears threatening to spill, physically trembling. "solace, stop-"

"you are deathly afraid of what's right and what's wrong that you don't think of what might make you happy. and nico, whatever makes you happy is right. no matter what you think and no matter what anyone else in the world thinks-"

will's monologue was cut off with nico jumping off of his bed and into will's arms, crying uncontrollably to a point where nico knew he would regret it in a couple of hours, but he just did not care. because will was there, strengthening his embrace on nico and whispering, "its okay, nico. you're okay."

and nico was starting to believe him. 

it was a long battle. it still is a long battle. nico constantly felt torn between thinking it was okay and thinking it was anything but okay, but will was there to help him every single bit of the way. will made nico doubt why he thought happiness was ever wrong. 

yet here he was. almost a year later. the last year had been filled with many wonderfully happy days. talking to will, holding hands with will, kissing will, all of the things he had tried to get rid of before. all of the things he used to think were wrong. strange how in reality they were the things that made him feel right. 

and of course there were not so good days. days where nico felt so awful that he rarely left his cabin. rarely left his bed. yet, will was there. will knew when to give nico space, and when nico really needed will to just climb in bed and fall asleep with him.

that was where nico was at right now. or he was, an hour ago. now he felt refreshed and peaceful, looking up at will who had his strong arms wrapped around nico, keeping him close to his chest. nico was so incredibly happy in these moments, because will looked like a huge dork when he slept. a huge cute dork. 

will was warm. will was comforting. will was right. 

and while he laid there smiling to himself, only one thought was running through his head. 

if i'm losing a piece of me, maybe i don't want heaven.

**Author's Note:**

> i fucking love solangelo & writing them is very fun!!  
> anyway i hope you all enjoyed cause i sure did  
> (oh also check out troye sivan and all of his rad music)


End file.
